Destination is only Received by Journey # 17

Journey through Veda Shastara

For the last three and a half years I have been feeling that my life desires to cross all troubles and woes. This thirst was so intense that my being sobbed.
Life there was, but no Peace.
Expansion there was, but little depth.
Someone was found raising the flag of revolution in that depth! When in my desire to conquer all woes I cast a glance at the depth, I felt deep Love for myself and from all sides ease and comfort hailed me. My longings made entreaties but they did not appeal to me. Thus, the desire to cross the ravines of woes automatically started in search of cool Water.
Let there be any happening or situation,
Let there be any environment or individual,
Let there be any path or idea
I begin to keep away from whatever is uncongenial to me. This thirst itself becomes the alum that makes the dirt settle down and purify the water. Whichever topic or individual becomes, for me, the fountain of ideas, I cross. Very soon, the truth of Life begins to display itself and win general recognition.
This very recognition now begins to advocate its ideas. It rejects and falsifies nearly the whole of ‘Shaheer;’ not only that, it makes the visible world look like a veritable dream. This rejection or denial is so deep that it takes me into the lap of stillness—which grows deeper and deeper, day by day.
Then gradually it touches the milk-like mind with the yeast of Meditation. These moments are known as Meditation. This I learnt from the Upanishad.
But what do I do? Nothing. Only sit in Quietude, keep myself Quiet, and go on modifying myself through this Quietude. Gradually, as this Quietude deepens itself, the moments of peace and calm go on introducing me to the Truth of ‘existence’.
Swami RamSukhdas’ book entitled Sehaj-Sadhna (Relaxed Meditation) makes us familiar with the secret of this Silence and of rejecting everything and every person; it makes us transcend all events and situations. The Vedas and the Shastras call this state of mind ‘the path of—naiti-naiti, the process of gradual detachment.
Is this path of today the path of the same naiti- naiti?
Swami RamSukhdas teaches us that this, observing Silence, is an exercise called chup sadhan. To become silent does not mean not to have any thought or reflection, but to become absolutely quiet and still. With this stillness, one’s link with the solid ‘existence’ begins to break. This very chup sadhna, that is observance of Quietude, is karna nirpaksh sadhna, because to show respect for knowledge does not require any process or practice. The observance of the practice of Silence is the final of all practices. In Silence, curiosity plays the main role; it is the dominance of the knowledge of truth and false in quest of self-knowledge. Then the ‘self’ comes into its personal state, that is, in the state of tranquil repose.
Perhaps this path is the path of ‘silent observance’ because day by day the depth of Silence is manifesting itself into different shapes and colours.
Because—the experience of these colours is taking my life to a non-descript, unendurable state—the taste of enjoyments—the break of restraints causes no pain. Today, I am seeing within an open Sky—where in this depth of Silence, the seeds of Silence bear the flowers of ‘awareness’.
But—in the field of the worldly Life, I often forget so many practical things. These occurrences of negligence and acts of forgetfulness further widen the scope of this path, which after giving me the message of Freedom from all restraints, points at the door of the Infinite One.
Then I feel as though I have just entered the embryonic state in the womb of Life; all this experience, ‘awareness’, are only birds flying in the Sky—the birds that can open their wings but can’t help anyone in their heavenward flight. Of course, they might sharpen the thirst in you and then place in your hand the jug of curiosity in quest of satiety.
For—as I cast a glance around, I find that we all do not regard money or wealth as a requirement of life but as Life itself. How pitiable is our state that we are selling our Life at cheap rates!
Can’t we see around us the Beautiful spectacles of Nature?
Don’t we examine the depth of the world around us?
Don’t we ever mark within some change coming over us? Do we lack eyes?
Don’t we have any such Feeling?
Have we lost all sensitivity?
Don’t we ever feel the desire to reach the depth of our experience?
Thousands of questions crop up at the sight of our environment and we only go on wasting our breaths and remain ever ignorant of our life’s course. We waste our long term of Life of seventy or eighty years in the state of helplessness and despair, and then approach the portal of Death! None has any consciousness of or regard for its ripe age! No sense of any sagacity of old age, which can tell others the significance of Life. Nothing at all. I feel allergic to this picture of old age. Then only the capsule of prayer and the injection of silence come to my aid.
But the moments of today help me to understand the secret that:
The flow of Life is based on experience.
Because—the seeds of sanskars sprout up in the soil of experience and spread the fragrance of sense and sagacity around.
But I see the women of my age and talk with them. They all wish to understand Life, they want to get rid of the attachments. If they have such desires at the age of forty or fifty, I fail to understand why they can’t further develop this desire by the age of seventy or eighty and make it blossom?
I then approach the elderly persons…
Shaheer: “Why, did you ever cherish the desire to understand Life or follow religion?”
Elder: “We had many other things to do.”
Shaheer: “And now?”
Elder: “Now we have nearly spent up our life.”
Shaheer: (I didn’t want to enter into any discussion of the above remark.) “Did you never think of religious things, or of Life?”
Elder: “I did think about it, when I was forty or fifty years old.”
Shaheer: “Then?”
Elder: “I can’t say why I grew so impatient then and wished to renounce everything.”
Shaheer: “And now?”
Elder: “What about now? I can’t say when Death will overtake me. We must enjoy ourselves, as long as we are alive, Times almost up.”
Shaheer: “What are your enjoyments?”
Elder: “Playing cards and gossiping.”
Shaheer: “If you do not do that, then?”
Elder: “We can’t kill Time.”
It seems that everyone is gifted by Nature with the idea of renunciation or non-attachment during the life-span of forty and fifty; by that time, they all get free from the duty of looking after their children. Their feeling of non-attachment is just a glimpse of the main message of Life! But we pay little heed to it.
If we can ever sit peacefully and go through the diary of Life, we will have worn the mantle of renunciation by the age of sixty. This colour belongs to the mind and not to the clothes.
That assessment of life which is lacking in non-attachment can’t be held just and true; for detachment is the normal and natural fruit of a true and pure Life.
That is what my ‘why’ hinted at.
Today, my experiences have received a new tinge, where even in ugliness I can perceive Beauty. Realize whom we consider ugly or clumsy is in its depth, full of profound beauty and attraction. Such considerations cause us an ecstatic sway.
Today, ‘why’ asks:
“What is truth?”
“What is untruth?”
I see the luscious green trees waving everywhere; they seem to be real and true. But when the eyes of depth wear the spectacles of prudence or consciousness, they look unreal and untrue.
The same object from one angle of vision is true, from another is false.
What is this double game?
Does not it mean that truth and false have no ‘existence’ at all and there is something else that is the solid reality?
In the same way, a deeper study of virtue and vice takes me to one point.
The company of ‘why’ enables me to understand the new aspects of Life, and this company is in every moment, taking me to other moments and is getting papers prepared for new paths. Under new headings, it unravels the hard knots of Life.
I have this consciousness:
How moments vanish
How years lapse
How desires take turns.
Do moments really pass?
Or do we undergo changes?
Do merely our thoughts change?
Or do we change too?
In short, I feel at times that Time does not exist; it is only that we pass away, we undergo change, and think that time changes. But no, when we change, we begin to feel that Time exists, for I have such strange and unique moments with me—when everything exists only Time does not exist.
Bravo! Absolutely wonderful!
What sort of circles have we drawn about ourselves?
My ‘why’, plucking the nails with its teeth and raising its eyes with a slanting neck, looks at me. Its look has a question lurking in it. Today, my own driver enquires of me about the nature of the traveling route! Or, perhaps it is a test.
‘Why’: “How old are you?”
Shaheer: “Forty-three years old.”
‘Why’: “Are you formerly acquainted with this path—with yourself?”
Shaheer: “No.”
‘Why’: “Why?”
Shaheer: “I can make no reply.”
‘Why’: “Tell me.”
Shaheer: (Tears begin to flow). “I don’t know.”
‘Why’: “For you were asleep.”
Shaheer: “What do you mean?”
‘Why’: “You had some other desires, some other thirst.”
Shaheer: “If I had not quenched it, then?”
‘Why’: “Then you would have remained asleep.”
Shaheer: “Then my life will have gone in vain?”
‘Why’: “Of course.”
‘Why’s’ straight and simple dialogue almost bewitches me; for its question, though simple, contains the ‘awareness’ of an extraordinary Life, while I, lost in the sense of gratitude, am bowing to everybody. This bowing is magnifying my subtle ‘self’. I feel some axel getting jammed within. Everything within me is being unified. There is Silence and nothing else but Silence!
Perhaps, in this uniformity it has become quite easy for my concentration to enter the elliptical state.
Perhaps in this state of Relaxation, the transmigration of all lust-provoking articles has stopped.
‘Why’ keeps listening to my perhaps, while I was watching its changing contours and feelings, when suddenly…
‘Why’: “What do you mean by what you said?”
Shaheer: “I, mean what?”
‘Why’: “What does your repeated perhaps mean?”
Shaheer: “I can’t say what it is.”
‘Why’: “What do you mean by it?”
Shaheer: “What can I say if I come to a stand still here?”
‘Why’: “What do you sense?”
Shaheer: “I sense nothing, for I feel highly thirsty.”
‘Why’: “Then why all this hesitation? Why?”
Shaheer: “I cannot say.”
‘Why’: “You are a fool, though not a big fool.”
Shaheer: “What do you mean?”
‘Why’: “Mean? You know very well, what mental state you are passing through. From your inner depth, your mind tucking out its neck, asserts that it is ego in you. Please tell me, is it ego?”
Shaheer: “No. It does not look so.”
‘Why’: “Suppose it is ego, then what will you do?”
Shaheer: “Then I won’t utter these words, but remain silent as before.”
‘Why’: “But if you retain this ego as well as this verbal expression, then?”
Shaheer: “I’ll accept ego and make it my friend.”
‘Why’: “Your ego will become your friend? Why?” 
Shaheer: “If even now I have some ego, it is my friend. I shall take it in the sense of another gift, meant to explain to me some other link with the Unknown.”
‘Why’: “Then why all this hesitation?”
Shaheer: “Perhaps, it is the result of some other weakness.”
‘Why’: “No, not weakness but some new lust or desire.”
Shaheer: “What do you mean?”
‘Why’: “Some new lust for simplification.”
Shaheer: “How?”
‘Why’: “By hiding this vital state in the garb of meekness and by mingling in it the yeast of perhaps.”
Shaheer: “It means ‘self-swindling’.”
‘Why’: “Yes.”
 Shaheer: “But why?”
‘Why’: “To provide the fence of perhaps, to stem the tide of all good and evil thoughts. Do you care for public opinion?”
Shaheer: “Yes, I do, and not.”
‘Why’: “What do you mean?”
Shaheer: “On the social level, I do not care, but on the mental level, I do care; for I share my happiness with others while I keep my troubles confined to myself.”
‘Why’: “Well, grown a little wiser!”
‘Why’ smiles, sits down, and I feel: a puff of breeze, the coolness of water, the fragrance of my sensibility, and the intensity of my passions.
They all sweep clean my inside—the mention of which raises a laugh from the side of mentionlessness, the mention is non-descript but it still hovers around me.
This ‘why’, a gift from the Unknown, is a very precious gift, to which every pore of my being pays its obeisance.
This ‘why’ is enamoured of some important moments of my past life and makes a pilgrimage to them, even takes me in its company.
What is life? Why is there Life?
I am leading my life but am still unacquainted with Life; for I am living in a state of sleep. Nevertheless, my ‘why’ always brings every aspect of my life to my view and gives me some instructions. It is true that the gusts of my desires first blows me into another direction, but at every important turn of my path, this ‘why’, with deep insight, sticks a poster to the wall of my being.
Let there be my revered father or mother
My uncles or aunts
My friends or my teachers
The lifestyle of them all stir in me like a series of reflections and this ‘why’ always de-silts the good and the bad aspects of their lives, and gives my life an unknown direction. Owing to this guidance, my life demands new things and alternates, between the flow of the good and the bad moments.
A relationship or a commodity does not cause obstacles in this flow but only makes its positive contributions. These contributions scatter the flowers of experience and thereby make the path of Life fragrant, because:
Life is a flux, and an obstruction to this flux is Death.

It means the death of my ‘why’, so ‘why’ never lets my interior come to a stand still.