Destination is only Received by Journey # 15

Universe and Humans are the Same

The Beauty of the moments that comprise the present time, is rapidly passing through my breath, lending to it a myriad of objects, of nature, of hues, and of rare feelings; thus giving them a touch of fragrance, becoming a joy to me.
The account given in the Five Gates (Episode One) of my personal experiences, which for me only constitutes a stage; today, their ‘awareness’ comes in contact with my ‘why’. My today’s ‘why’ is not a question mark but an expression of a deep and profound basic mental state, which after making me review my thoughts and reasoning, meditations and recollections of every situation, makes me a wayfarer of some unseen path.
In the present circumstances this ‘why’ is not a message of helplessness, unrest, or despair, but a knife to deepen my inner Silence by which the experience of stillness makes me dance in slow motion.
I don’t have with me a ‘blue print’ of this path. Of course, there are some feelings and sensations that fill in the place of milestones and introduce me to Silence, Peace, and involuntary leaps, and along with them, the pervading gloom, the breaking chords of greed and attachment, the drying stream of lusts, and the violently shaking earthquakes of rage.
Today, I am going to introduce my ‘why’ to you, along with an incident, in the hope that one day you will recognize this ‘why’ in you and introduce it to others. I am always eager to join any batch of meditators. This eagerness of mine was duly satisfied in the month of April or May of the year 2003.
I was going with a vipasna group for ten days, but could not adjust to that environment; for all other meditators were new and raw and had come to join the meditation for the first time. Their movements, clearing their throats, coughing etc. were becoming obstacles for me. As compared to that hall, my own room was far more beautiful and attractive.
It took me thirty-two hours to adjust to the situation. Still without the instructions of the teacher, I fell into deep Meditation and my journey had begun. A voice had come from afar, catching my attention and I began to obey that voice. Then these questions arose in my mind:
Why am I following this voice?
What is this ‘why’? Who is it? Where is it?
These questions remained lying in a part of my being, and I had begun to do everything in the Light of instructions of this ‘why’.
To pay full heed to every part of the body—to feel it intensely; I surveyed each part of my body, a very Beautiful feeling. But I still had little consciousness of three parts of my body. They are:
The right shoulder
The loin
That day I noticed for the first time that my body had been transformed into Light; it shed Light like the lightning flash in the Sky. I kept watching it with amazement. I felt bodiless. I was not sure whether or not I have a body. At that time, my inner voice said:
“Chant Om!”
Not only that, but it taught me how to chant it. Before that moment, I had never chanted Om. Now with chanting, all that light disappeared and I felt some deep stillness within me lapse into swaying.
I glanced at the Sky again—the sockets of my eyes were full of tears—a rare strength animated my body, a sense of peace and tranquility besieged me on all sides! Then a song, that had lain dormant in my memory for a long time, welled up in my consciousness and my lips began to stir:
“These are the days of spring, the promise of a rendezvous between you and me.”
At that moment the teacher came to me and asked me about my progress. I could not utter a word, only song burst again from my lips:
“The season is of springs, O Please, make your own choice, flowers have to bloom yet! O, hurry up, you have to see your beloved.”
When I looked at the trees, again these words escaped my lips: 
“If you promise to abide by me.”
If a butterfly had come and settled on me, I would ask, “How do you feel?”
Coming into the flow of longings and emotions, I advanced to embrace one of the helpers. Then again, a smile flickered on my lips and they muttered:
“During the walk someone by the way met with me.”
Thus, that day by virtue of this ‘why’, a handful of songs had fallen into my hands in a few moments, from the basket of my memories, and after bringing relief into my inner ‘self’ and feelings, it made its way on.
Strung into songs, these moments also taught me the way of a rare dance. I cannot say how during my walk of Life, they clung to my consciousness and found a place in my memory.
Is everything that we all like, helpful to our spiritual journey?
In response my ‘why’, contracting its lips a bit and bringing a light smile on them, votes ‘yes’ to my query.
Flying in quest of the exploration of Life, this ‘self’ has the wings of enthusiasm, collecting experiences, soaking in sensibilities, and sitting, longing for even a dusty track. But I have no idea how its wait becomes a macadamized road! How new enthusiastic longings also get the message of long, adventurous flights, I don’t know. It is the miracle of delight.
Then emitting a new beauty and charm my breath becomes bold and courageous. Every part of my being puts on a military uniform.
Now I remembered those days when I was brave only in my dreams. In the present state, this ‘why’ is my pathfinder, my guide, and my preceptor, who is introducing me to myself.
Today, on the wheels of Quietude, this ‘why’ is acting as a charioteer.
It is the journey, not the destination.
In short, in this Beautiful environment, it is some longing in the shape of a blooming, aromatic bride, teaching the lesson of mutual cooperation, found in the rhythm of the Universe, in Nature, and in the contentment of Life, and teaching how to join the main stream of Life.
Perhaps, today I alone wish to learn something. So onerous! But during these very moments sometimes some portion of the mind gets overactive; sometimes some screw of the intellect becomes loose. But when the mechanic self notices it, it at once puts on white garments, gives a smile, and becomes so gentle and meek!
Today, in the heart-ravishing journey of this bracing weather, even incompatibility has become compatibility and offers to join us in our travel. Then Silence showers its blessings and the sapling of Life’s health gets its nourishment in the land of calm and peace. When:
There is rhythm in Nature
A quest for Brahma, the Creator
Then, a rhythmic caper in the lap of the Unknown becomes inevitable
Then on the tabla of ‘existence’, we hear the rhythmic beat along with a rhythmic tinkle of dancer’s bells.
Look here! Today again, a colour has appeared from the myriad of colours of the Unknown and relates the Beauty of its dyer, as though it has become enamoured of its dyer’s numerous colours.
Today, this colour has distorted my facial express-ions, no doubt, but along with that, has made my countenance look so dreadful. Is Meditation concerned only with such strange miracles?
First, I pause to ascertain if I have been frightened, but I come out brave. Then, my ‘why’ persuades my hand to touch my face to see if it has been distorted. It is O.K. A few moments later, ‘why’s’ voice comes:
“O you were thinking a lot. Now, I have become quite well; my vices have begun to dwindle. Why, have all your drawbacks been overcome and have you achieved your spiritual target?”
In spite of it all, a lava of laughter erupts from my being, it leaves my body drenched in sweat, and my eyes moisten with tears.
This was a laughter which contained the treasure of hidden secrets. Even today, the echo of this laughter has left its traces in the valleys far off. Its echo opened the path of the dark cave of my life through which flows, making a gurgling sound, the stinking drains of my countless infirmities; whose putrefying smell does not allow the flowers of Life to bloom.
This laughter again bows its head to my ‘why’ and the latter gently thumps it on the back.
At all times these eyes long to see someone with the heart to cherish desires, the hands to come into a fold, the feet to move, and the being to feel the excitement of waiting, all of which seek the means of cooperation—sometimes from the trees, sometimes from birds and beasts, sometimes from nature, and sometimes from the world at large. I feel the presence of this beggar, getting its nurture within me and blowing the beggar’s drum. Lost in utter devotion and a prayerful mood, the beggar dances to the tune of its drum. At times, the beggar becomes a pious devotee and goes about in parbhat phaeri, but other times, he utters only his own words. Every part of my being comes into motion and turns to ‘why’ for blessings of a thousand times. Every drop sinks in my body and according to its own nature becomes a wayfarer of some unknown path. Next, I see:
The clouds moving about in the Sky. It seems to me that this sky is my own self, and these clouds are only my own thoughts and reflections and the collections of countless drops—the collections of my own desires which are falling in showers but do not quench the thirst of my being still.
It seems to me that:
All the trees that are growing around and the blossoming flowers, are the flowers of thirsty longing, blossoming in my life’s breaths and looking for the means to quench their thirst.
I feel that:
These flowing cataracts, these running streams, are my own life, which owing to the madness of my own longing, are flowing in an unknown direction.
Today, the consciousnesses of these moments of life are enjoyable and heart-ravishing, feeling its melody flourishing along with the rhythm in Nature. Where there are the Joys of living in one’s own individuality and enjoying oneself, there is the fragrance of Freedom, community dance, and cutting capers, hand in hand!
But there is also someone behind these obliterating deep impressions, intoxicated by some surprising desire, who goes on ruminating.
Is there any such woe or trouble that will lead me to intense misfortune or suffering?
I have only this desire lurking in the grotto of my consciousness: to see what events or situations encounter me with a challenge on the path of my life and how I face their challenge and surmount them.
From the very beginning, I considered God to be something of momentous importance. I used to think that God could be attained after a hard act of asceticism and meditation. Though even today I have not yet attained God, the rare fragrance permeating the moments, the minute showers of experience, and awakened divine awareness, impels me to frisk about involuntarily.
At some unguarded moment the chord of some profound curiosity tinges the chord of this carpet, which is made of my deeds and activities, and gives them the touch of detachment. I fail to understand.
This carpet of my sanskars, which has the warp and woof of countless, fast-coloured strands of truth and false, virtue and vice, begins to lose its colourfulness; all relationships, all acquaintances—yes, all, begin to dissolve themselves into this one colour—colourlessness!
Today, I see that edifice on the verge of collapse, the edifice which I raised with the small bricks of my deeds—called luck—in which I feel suffocation, my being staggering, and a sense of helplessness and despair sting me; where my interests and desires, my wisdom or intellect, my convictions—all, were the watch-keepers of that mansion of luck. Today, they all disappear.
Heart suffocation, the feeling of dizziness, constant depression, and the pangs of hunger and listlessness—where did they vanish? In the taper light of my reflections, I occasionally seek to find them. They escape my approach, and I cannot say where they vanish.
Does a change in direction bring a change in one’s luck?
Are you to change your luck, so you can change the direction?
Today, the wayfarer of this path asks this question:
What is the name of this path that you have adopted?
What is this faith or creed?
There is no holy recitation or penance in my life. Once, I did so much worshipful recitation and tired my throat and tongue to such a degree that they refused even to stir.
Worship and holy chanting—looks futile and shallow
Yagya and akhand—both boring!
Holy places—places of religious business
Kirtan—excellent! Most lovable!
Guru—the whole creation
Perhaps the determined boundary lines always cause suffocation in me. The longing to break all bounds is so strong in me that it impels me to discard all constraints and limited religions and to establish my life’s relationship with the Infinite One!
My ‘self’ always demands the elimination of ‘egoism’ in me. I cannot say which power it is that takes me to all places and makes me have the taste of all things; the unpalatable taste adds the signboard of ‘no admittance’ over all places.

The question, what path have I adopted, remains, and I am still in search of the answer in the core of my heart.