Knowledge is the Largest Miracle # 3

My Materialistic World

I pondered on how everyone is pleased at the fulfillment of their petty wants—why not me? However, whomsoever, whether it was a human, a commodity, or a situation I saw, I found my feeling diminished. Even in the Unknown I felt the presence of mine, of virtues. Man's sexuality and woman's jealousy or twinges of envy, I never appreciated. I felt breathless in the midst of false relations, fake religions, and raw expressions.
Which claimed to be dreadfully daring,
Which criminally satiated longing desires,
Who were so shamelessly self-indulgent,
Who despite total ignorance liked to be called religiously righteous, and
Who adopted mean methods to keep themselves alive.
I could not bear to see all this, though I cannot say which golden era I was in search of. I could not bear to see those who, for the realization of some petty, personal gain, pushed others away. However, what could I do? What could I see? Whose company should I have sought? In this delicate and critical situation, if I endeavored to commit suicide, how could I be condemned?
I had such moments when I got ready to provide happiness to someone. I made many friends, but I could not find the one I was in search of. For me the material world was only a foundation for my birth and the mansion of the emotional world could be raised on it. The material world is needed for the satisfaction of our physical needs; nevertheless, when there is no love or attachment, both material and non-material worlds are meaningless.