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The candle does sin when it is shy to give away its light: # 1

Unique Journey


Just as the dark, thick clouds succeed in hiding from our gaze, the beautiful and crystal clear sky in the manner of our ego hides from the view of our true, immaculate self.
I have crossed the extremely beautiful parts of this world, as well as the ugly, but my lap of silence:
~made me realize my dreadful rigidity
~returned my lost capacity
~made me contented with my failure
~liberated me from cowardice, woe, shame, heist-ancy, and bondage
~provided me wings to fly during my weak moments
~encouraged and confirmed me in my weakness
I acquired from the present state:
The understanding of life
The illumination in my eyes
The balance of virtuous deeds for peace and tranquility
The balance for action
The strength for devotion
The desire for dedication
The passionate thirst for the destination
The enjoyable spectacle of the uniformity of appear-ance of the world
The search for existence and the “clear step”
The daring passion for renunciation
Along with these, I have comprehended the under-standing that every act in life is a part of longing desire and every step has the echo of the preceding footfall. What, today, should I call this changing stage and stagnant state and the interrupted flow of life?
For I am still the same as I was before; then who has undergone a change? Why has this change taken place?
If I am still the same, then why do I feel a change in the world’s situation? What has happened?
Does observance of quietness hasten the advent of tranquility? Yet in doing this, I have remained still the same self. Then who am I?
This life is full of secrets, beauty, and uniqueness. In Windows of the Moments I acquainted you with the account of my materialistic, mental, and intellectual journey; therefore, today my friends, I will relate to you a strange and rare journey of mine. It will tell you about my personal appearance, its hue and colour, size and stature from which a series of vicissitudes have passed to approach that personality. All this will be related by my experiences.
Today, for me it is not only my life that is new but every individual, every Vedas and Shastra, Buddha and Krishna, Nanak, and Jesus, that appear in a novel appearance.
All those parts of life which long to make their presence felt in the shape of questions—today—did their respective duties. Therefore, today there is nothing to happen—nothing to do.
Then a flow of words started from my life and this flow, by giving the experience of life apparel, began to cherish the offering of a prayer for the realization of its noble desires. It is a surprising spectacle when life finds out its required materials.
It was a matter of two years back when I began to feel that my life had become successful—I was so contented that I had become relaxed in my life. Therefore, there remained no difference between life and death for me.
My life felt satiated, but I did not know that even a satisfied and contented life could have some journey. Life which is endless and infinite, which contains the entire world within, began to play with me a game of colours. I kept sitting though life was about to start a unique journey from me to me, which proceeds from the solid to the subtle, and which proceeds from the body to the spiritual life.
The three fields which I had passed through up to this day were a journey towards me and the world. Today, I am going on a journey towards myself and towards many individual fields. In it the golden moments of the unknown will appear, take me in their fold and offer the gift of a decent and beautiful life, and then enable this self to reach its destination.
Therefore friends, first, I’ll like to show you around the foundation on which the mansion is being erected. When I, the fatigued and exhausted one, put myself to sleep in the lap of quietness my condition begins to change. By and by such moments come that give me an experience of my non-corporeal state and present to me a spectacle in a new path. On one hand, I was much too tired; on the other hand, I had no fear of death. With fearless daring I began to descend into this mysterious life where my habit of drawing comparisons began to perform its duty, and I began to coalesce my every experience with the world. With my life already passing, I began to string together new feelings and perceptions.
Then I came to know:
~the solid physique is only connected to solid frames
~the subtle body is related to the subtle world
When the physique dies, our awareness of our blood, body, and flesh disappears; but for the subtle physique there appears a subtle world. This experience comes in the state of meditation where one never feels afraid of death. When my body broke, my link became stronger and stronger with a beautiful field of experience—where I began to feel that:
If I am beyond the mind and the intellect, what is my form, figure, and complexion?
Why can’t I see myself in this state? 
Then—my self-study came to my aid. It seated me in the skiff of reflections and proceeded towards that margin in the stream of life which is called ‘awareness.’ This self-study or self-inspection was linked to my frailties and weaknesses as well as to the firm steps of my daring emotions. Today these daring steps of mine mustered up courage to touch the loftiest sensibilities of life and to eradicate frailties and weaknesses.

The accidents that had already occurred,
The golden dreams about the future, and
The lofty resolves of today, took courageous enthusiasm and by putting myself into the spirit of dedication, I proceeded towards a beautiful construction of life.
From this self-analysis, I first came to realize that without understanding the depth of feelings, passions, and direction there cannot be satiety in life.
Friends, I kept watching though I had reached my destination without even taking the first step; if an event takes place later, but its solution strikes us earlier, what shall we think about it and how shall we explain this phenomenon? The caravans of such moments begin to arrive and then my weaknesses made themselves mile-stones for me and said,
“We are a mirror for your growth and development by which you can consult in order to see yourself.”
After that my life contracted itself within three steps. I kept thinking but life took a big leap forward!
First step—why and where was I running away from some person, or happening, or surrounding to an untoward situation?
Second step—when the stream of feelings and passions and reflections began to flow, I would pause and watch to learn why and for what purpose they had started flowing?
Third step—why do I wish to segregate myself from my own self? This self-study, though visiting every part of my life, found me capable enough to make decisions at every turn.
For at every step one confronts many alternatives ahead, but which direction we should select and why—the ultimate decision lies with us. I saw that even in the tender and critical situation of this subtle and delicate environment I ever kept apart.
This analysis conducted with the sweet energy of robust, healthy understanding of the intellect, though complete, still retained the point that I was what I was. On this very account, despite a beautiful life, my peaceful existence, and contented devotion and attachment, I remained parched with thirst.
Then the question arose—
What is the point? Why can’t I meet it?
This analysis produced an eye of deep reflectiveness, where my thoughts began to die out and an understanding began to increase.
In my bewildered state I either entered the bathroom for a shower or went to bed. “To know myself—it yet remains to descend into the field of my own self.”
I found it hard to apprehend and digest the unfathomable secrets of my life; but to keep away the intoxication that leads to the understanding and enjoyment of life is not only difficult but even impossible.
Because—
This is the zest that kills our individualist egoistic feelings and generates true and healthy self-pride and self-consciousness.
Then begins—
The flow of the eyes, ache in the head and the neck, confusion in the brain, deep absorption of the heart; the leaping of the profuse zest of life.
A question slowly begins to raise its head and asks hesitating,
“Will you be able to bear the figure, shape, and stature of the self?”
This I do not know—I only know that whatever this life is, it is a scattering experience; it is God’s will or act that He is making me capable enough to digest my ‘self’. I also know that if so far I have not been able to see Him, it only means that I am weak in many aspects; not yet well-prepared enough to bear Divine effulgence.
My friends, it is a very delightful and unique journey where faults and weaknesses accept themselves and diligent attachment proves itself. And then, the desire to get rid of the account of this I’ness keeps us day and night, lost in a requestful state and asks itself, “Why don’t you get ready?” Understanding then comes to interview.
U: “With which part of your body do you find some difference?”
M: “With the whole body”
U: “What do you mean by that?”
M: “For bad is bad, good is good; beautiful is beautiful, and ugly is really ugly.”
U: “In truth is sat?”
M: “Yes.”
U: “Which of the two alternatives ought to be adopted.”
M: “According to the time or situation, according to the nature of the event, according to the individual and according to the inspiration that comes from my inner being.”
U: “Who will decide it?”
M: “I.”
U: “And who will give the inspiration?”
M: “You.”
U: “Then why can’t I make the decision, when inspiration is given by me? So, the decision, too, should be mine.”
M: “But it will lie with me to accept or reject that decision”
U: “Who are you?”
M: “I am, I—Shaheer! (I’ness).”
U: “Then, who am I?”
M: “You, too, are I.”
U: “What is the difference?”
M: “I don’t know.”
U: “You are merely a delusion—you (I’ness)—is—I am, in reality—your true self.”
M: “In other words, do you mean that you are the experiencer as well as the thinker?”
U: “Yes.”
M: “Then where lies that point which is away from all, and which I feel?”
U= “You are, then, in your I’ness or ego. When you look at me as a seer then I am only a point. But the point which observes me and me alone.”
M: “No. I see you.”
U: “Do you see me in my individual state?—but that is not true; for that individual appearance is the combination of the mind and the intellect, and I am the symbol of your recognition.”
M: “How?”
U: “At the level of experience there is no I’ness; but only experience. In the same way, when you ponder over the matter your whole concentration lies on your forehead. You see some material object though the actual seer is the eye; but the consciousness arises from the centre of the forehead. In the presence of this concentration and experience your limited I’ness also disappears. At that time ‘you’ do not exist—only what is there exists. It is is’ness.”
M: Does it mean that my feeling of I’ness is owing to the intellect?”
U: “Yes.”
M: “But I am not this.”
U: “Is it your part, your limb? You as yet know only that it is you. It is you; while you, in fact, have a much bigger being or stature.”
M: “Can I see it?”
U: “Yes, of course.”
M: “How?”
U: “Your present preparation is directed towards it.”
M: “No—I have to see the shape, colour, and hue of my is’ness.”
U: “Is this body, mind, and intellect not your shape and colour?”
M: “Yes, it is, but I am to see that true point.”
U: “Why?”
M: “Though today I am happy, cheerful, tranquil, and well-contented; there is still some thirst which causes disorder within me. For I do not find myself perfect.”
U: “Why?”
M: “I don’t know. There is only discontent which constrains me within the manifestation of this sense of incompletion kindles the cool fire of the love-thirst.”
U: “Okay Shaheer, Good luck!”
Friends—I kept watching as today understanding also has abandoned my company. After all, it was understanding that understood the matter. The cool fire of my thirst was and is very deep and it leaves my life on the platform of waiting bidding me fare well.
If I examine carefully I find my thirsty satiety alone my real weakness, which, by stimulating my every state of life, lends me firmness.
Whenever some experience relates me to some level of existence, my thirsty satiety utters, “Wow! Wow!” This goes into the lap of my prayerful cum-melancholy feelings and makes an offering of tearful entreaty.
Today, in this “Wow” lies the proof of the understanding of religion
Today, these melancholy, sigh-surcharged, rhythmic words tune my life
Today, these tears contain the largess of the unknown.
My friends, a section of society always thought that only unworthy, incapable, poor of intellect, weak-minded people take refuge in religion, or only those people who are fatigued in the struggle of existence seek shelter in religion. Though only weak persons visit temples and gurdwaras, the true, immaculate religion is meant only for those who have soft, balanced mind-understanding, healthy thoughts, and who:
~have the courage to shed off all their feeling of pain
~have the courage to take steps in search of happiness
~are prepared to take the zest of a tranquil and contented life
When woe is all abandoned and search for peace and comfort becomes complete, then, “Wow,” “Wow,” auto-matically rises in tune. We chant, “Wow,” “Wow,” only when life becomes eager and impatient to disclose its identity. It is with the understanding of all life that the truly religious life begins.
The song of ‘Aha!’ taking a rhythmic form, I see as a part of life becoming my realization or understanding and making my mind memorable, and my existence, being nurtured in the lap of sighs, descending into the depth of peace and profound satiety.
The sense of detachment which makes every material object deprived of worth, detachment that makes us conscious of the limits of our actions and duties, transports us towards the infinite; it is a detachment which, indeed, takes us close to beauty, truth, and purity—the depth of that detachment is found in this ‘Aha!’ Experience.
The true understanding of the use of mind and intellect comes at this plane of experience, then a powerful and strong mind mingles with reflective intellect—religious life—a prayer—Aha!—friends.
The tunes sprouting from the beautiful combination of the mind and the intellect—when renovating and refreshing the being—one acquires the courage to remove one’s weaknesses.
Prayer—which lends peace
Prayer—which becomes the true path of ascetical discipline
Prayer—which is the basis of beautiful reflection and the loftiest development. From this prayer starts the religious life.
The recognition of true religion develops with the growing understanding of one’s self. This unique journey of the self is highly delicate as it gives an idea of a hard but essentially soft and pleasant state; the journey of the self is also extremely beautiful as it gives us the understanding of beauty latent in ugliness.
This peaceful journey of the self makes us see life’s infinite reality as it makes life, besieged with limits and bounds, calm and stable and then leads it to the infinite and the endless.
During this unique journey and in the extreme depth when the glimpse of an easy and stable life begins to exhibit itself, a small weakness sprouted and at the same time the capacity to uproot it also took its birth. Then my life, also, succeeded in observing the small spot of ignorance.
Today I feel that:
This journey of the self is the religious journey which by abolishing all distinctions of caste, colour, and creed, of high and low, enables us to accept and realize the true reality. It bestows upon us spiritual capacity to make us deserving of true purity and cleanliness.
What is the end of this journey from me to myself? What is the sign of its final shape? The desire to know it convulses in my otherwise calm life; it pours tears in patience, waits in love, and strikes in meekness.
Today is my day of action—
~Waiting, convulsing, weeping, crying, writing.
What is its final direction and end?
~To descend into my own-self.
What is bhakti or devotion?
~Prayer and entreaty.
What is knowledge?
~The understanding of life.
Today this journey tells me that we can know of faith, religion, or life only when all paths of life join one another in the self. Here all our follies, all forms of ignorance come to an end and lava of laughter erupts from our being. It burns up and destroys all the dirt of omissions or negligence. Then it makes up the sweet tune of laughter in which Beauty begins to dance.
Today:
~What am I?
I am that point at which the field of life appears.
In one shape:
~Then what is this world?
The world which makes me realise that it is absolutely negligible and I should transcend it.
~Then what is religion, today?
Religion is what enables us to settle down in our true self.
~What are the Buddha, Krishna, Nanak, and Jesus, today?
The quintessence of perfect humans emerged in perfect individuality, which the Vedas call the symbols of God, and even God themselves. My life also thirsts for this very source of sat.
In the first place, what am I? What is my shape, form, and hue? What is my physique? Flowing in this voyage life, it secretly plays with my existence. And with this, my exists behaves jokingly with the past moments. Then my every experience serves as a window and introduces me to innumerable aspects. Then from every height and every depth comes the under-standing of life which looks very charming and extra-ordinary.
~The world that sees with the I’ness is limited, is a mere storehouse of material goods.
~The world watches with feelings and passions—beautiful and ugly is like life and death.
~The world observes with thoughts and reflec-tions—is a storehouse of virtues and is mysteriously full of secrets.
~The world watching with understanding—is neither true, nor false, it is merely like a dream.
~The world watching with faith and devotion—is a theatrical stage where we can enjoy the sight of longing desires.
What then, is the role of my mind and intellect, and what is my own role in this unique journey of mine?
Today I am happy and contented, so there is no worldly journey. My unique journey has begun in the true sense; peace and contentment lying in the abyss of being—the true, balanced, and pure state of the mind and the intellect, where the mind and the intellect compre-hend the glimpse of the zenith of life and golden suggestions of understanding. Today my mind and intellect have the understanding of the laws of nature as well as realizing the value of discipline. Then they perceive a link between the sameness of appearance and co-relationship of this visible world. Today, the mind and the intellect are the basic instruments for the recognition of the self. The decision that issues from their purity is, for me, the basic principle for the understanding of life.
Our life receives its flow through two energies:
1) Activity—what we do to obtain our material goods
2) Knowledge—which informs us of the gunas, the characteristics of material goods
Now, friends, we shall travel into our past moments.
Love, has been a deep emotion in my being. Love-emotion very rapidly influenced other individuals. However, the very next moment it hid beneath sadness—why?
It ran towards other people.
It was my sole activity.
But,
I had no knowledge of their nature and disposition.
It was my ignorance.
Though liking for love is a person’s basic liking, yet no action or activity can become pure and immaculate without knowledge. Therefore, the passion of love is an invaluable emotion. Is the other party capable of understanding and appreciating your passion of love or not? If not, then you will naturally feel sad and disappointed, for the love-activity then fails to reach its destination.
I had some strength or energy which turned into activity. But I had no other energy which could deduce whether the direction was right or wrong.
But what qualities of head and heart does the man possess towards whom the love-activity is directed?
So, owing to my ignorance, my passion of love grew sad and frustrated, when the other party proved wrong.
Because—
“Love keeps company with the one who proves worthy of it.”
Today my love keeping me company in my travel, proceeds towards its acme of perfection, where there is love-consciousness.
Friends, here again I would share with you one more love-interest of mine.
I always longed for old age because my love and self were both very crazy. I would convulse with passion, but felt pain when the person concerned I could not tightly take within the fold of my arms. If ever I did succeed in my desire, the other party, if a woman would only shun me, condemning me as stupid, crazy, or simpleton; while the man would, thenceforth look at me with lewd eyes. But both men and women thought alike that I was in need of a man. Then I would long for old age so often, for at that stage I would be able to welcome all with embrace. Nevertheless, today when I am touching almost the threshold of age, the nature of my love begins to change. How shall I express my love today? I do not know for today there is no problem of love or the person to be loved. Today, it is the problem of life, that understanding of the characteristics of every material object, topic, or faith would seek to give my life a new direction and introduce me to new experience. Today, the strength of existence won’t let my identity fall prey to any feeling or thought.
For when the mind and the body obtain strength and energy, our weaknesses automatically begin to fall off. A new and beautiful association again sends my life, with renewed energy, into the field of consciousness of an infinite, boundless surrounding to attain perfection.
Today I remembered the Gurbani again,
“O mind, you are an embodiment of light.
Try to assess your value properly.
The conquest of the mind leads to the world conquest.”
Here questions arise—
1) Why don’t we pay heed to our mind and intellect?
2) Why do we slave to our material comforts?
3) Why do we become the morsels of trouble? Only because of a lack of knowledge?
A careful consideration will show that material goods are our need, not our comforts. There is a great difference between need and comfort.
Need—which keeps the body alive.
Comfort—which makes our life joyful.
Even need contains comfort or happiness; for when we come by the object for which we have worked hard, our longing for that object vanishes. As soon as this longing ends, we obtain peace in our being and the ease by which we are able to get rid of the material goods.
That is true comfort.
When a small need can lend us comfort, then if all our needs are fulfilled, what will happen? We all can guess about it, for—
The race of our mind and intellect for the fulfilment of every longing deprives us of our energy or strength. Its consciousness is provided to us by the moments of today. Thus, in the dust of our longing an important part of our life remains ever unknown. This cycle continuously hunts us.
Then when will there be stoppage?
Or
Then how can we detain ourselves?
There are innumerable ways to stop. However, how I detained myself, I must relate.
~The fatigue caused by the humiliation of our august desires.
~The heavy pressure of feelings on character.
~The appearance of our inferiority complex and helplessness.
the depth of the original source. 
They changed my direction, and when direction changes, all undergo a change. The flows of my feelings and reflections also changed. When my condition underwent a change, I had an improved understanding of things. As this understanding became mature, all bondage and restraints began to break; then the understanding of light proceeded towards
This is the depth which becomes responsible for the understanding of the world, the mind, and the intellect, ultimately the recognition and understanding of our self. It also makes a deep analysis of every situation from every corner. This understanding rolled me up into the sense of my nothingness. The moment, parched in this sense of nothingness, turned into experience and gave my life the grasp of a detached state.
Is it all a miracle of the mind and the intellect?
Yes, for the mind and the intellect see the capacity of those possibilities and the deep zest which is the aroma of some unknown field of experience and then in the calm, balanced state study, sometimes the world and sometimes the self. Moreover, I am at times a thinker, at times an experiencer, and at times a mere observer looking all around at the outspread of life, I ask myself—
~Well, Shaheer, what is your desire today?
No desire whatsoever.
~Will you remain silent, even today?
Yes.
~Today life is beautiful. But why?
Because silence is that boat which takes the body across the ocean of existence to the shore of the unknown.
~But it is only a longing?
Yes, a cozy and cool longing which has no excitation. It is a journey which despite being calm and contented is thirsty.
Today I, that is the mind and the intellect, are enjoying this beautiful journey.
The Intellect: It is a type of reflectiveness and acceptance. It awakens my self with its decision and then secures its liberation.
The Mind: It is a unique instrument of acceptance which awakens myself emotionally and thereby bestows upon myself the wealth of poise and ease.
I see this unique travel with full freedom and stability, for—
~Thoughts explain the grandeur of freedom.
~The flows of emotions teach us poise and naturalness.
~I am getting rid of the imprisonment of every passion and reflection.
Today, I realize that the power of thought and the purity of feelings and passions constitute the highest evolutionary force which is born in an impartial being. True religion also takes its birth in an impartial atmosphere. In impartiality takes birth true religion; then religion sprouts in silence and silence lends our life poise and naturalness. Today thanking life as a whole, bowing to it with full feeling, and paying compliments is true worship and asceticism. Despite having a beautiful frame, existence seeks excuse for moving on, so that it might quaff the secrets of the unknown existence, and sees properly the shape of its identity.
This unique travel rolls up the unknown source of energy in one moment and awakens our capacity to merge ourselves in it. This journey of the self leads us towards freedom and the final stage of choice. Then the question arises: what should we choose?
At this stage the intellect goes to sleep, but a beautiful inspiration wakes up. It makes all decisions while I sit calmly with my hand on my forehead and my life observed in a new experience.
Here is the situation which is to be judged by the depth of my thirst and its quality and direction—which kills my I’ness, that is, my worldly existence; for I became fed up with myself. What should I do, when I can’t bear myself. Today, I need the largess—the largess that obliterates my ego.
I have lost all before this thirst, no matter whether they are my virtues or beautiful life. The wave of “Aha!” echoing in the moments of my insatiate desire, the speed of my tears, interrupted in my detached breaths, the voice of “Wow” thundering in my experience—the flow of all these is very peaceful and enjoyable; no mark of the world or of peaceful and happy life can stem its tide.
For the consciousness of freedom won’t accept any limit to happiness as it demands even freedom from the bondage of my flesh.
Nevertheless, I pay my compliments to this body, the confines of which made me conscious of confinement and raised a slogan of freedom for a boundless, infinite life. For this limit is a part of that infinite by which passing through I have the bliss of freedom.
When such moments of experience come and bestow upon me such a pleasant and enjoyable state, then where am I?
In such august moments I am both ras (the enjoyable bliss) and experience; for in such moments there is no I’ness.
Though I am every experience, yet what should I say. I crave to have the sight of that pure, immaculate self—which transcends all causes; where there is only the colour, hue, and frame of the self. Where is that self?
In this journey of the self which proceeds in the state of parched thirst, our mind, and intellect examine and evaluate every material object with great care. Today, when the detailed account of my experience is given by the cooperation of the mind and the intellect, patience and fortitude are born and we acquire a deep sigh of relief and a rare and beautiful satisfaction.
Today during this journey I encountered another truth; by and by this life goes on getting itself studied. I then saw that the mind, the intellect, the body, and the act of respiration—all are in a flux; but the self has no flow. It is stagnant as usual. Then why is it that a part of our being moves about and undergoes change? And why is it that the part which is stationary only watches and perceives? Before finding an explanation of this ‘why’, friends, let us seek for sometime refuge in moments past.
Despite the deep emotion of love, I have not been able to repose my trust in anyone—whether an individual or a religious faith.
Why?
Why did I place my faith in my personal feelings and passions? Why?
It is because no one’s career impressed or satisfied me; in everyone’s life I found bondage and restraint, the sense of alienation and lack of attention, selfishness, and greed, contempt for others. I ever remained astonished to see why despite my extension of love to all I did not repose my trust in any of them. The sight of their shortcomings always prevented me from putting my faith or trust in them, they rather sacrificed my beloved longing at the altar of depression and I could only keep with me the longing for love. I could never look down upon anyone, for my broad-mindedness could let everything of mine be looted by others, but could not loot anything myself and this consciousness of others’ narrow-mindedness won’t let me trust them.
Then this sentiment of love devoted itself to me, I again made it my milestone and set it up on the path of my journey.
Hinduism, Sikhism, Christianity, etc. all religions gave me, at my very first step, the proof of their narrow limits and bondage. It changed my state, for the limitless one cannot be confined within any limits and a person was limitless beyond its limits and faith. I moved on and wherever I found some individual limit, I would change my direction. I would remain quite aloof in the state of love as well as of indecision and uncertainty. The feeling of love cannot develop under any restraint. Nevertheless, I personally looked for limitlessness and freedom, like a new day I ever liked to see a new life in my being and never rested in contentment on this account. There was a pause neither in my act of respiration nor in the motive of my life. In spite of all this, I always felt that I was the same as before; then what were these changing seasons and passing years? Both the direction and the situation change, but I was unchanged; why?
Friends, it is the age of science. Science is the greatest force in our present day world, but what is that origin from which starts the series of explorations and investigations and which force or energy lies behind the human existence?
One becomes an Einstein, another Buddha.
For Science the world is changeful.
For religion, God the creator is One and Immovable.
For Science change is possible.
For religion, the world is asat, Braham is sat.
In an unchanged state:
What Science and Religion state, my life is passing through that mingled experience today. I mean to say that man is the originator of Science and Religion.
Science studies nature of matter.
Religion studies being, I’ness.
However, human has both these in them, for the Creator is our quintessence and science is a part of life. Therefore, wherever change overcomes humans, that becomes a part of Nature and matter, and what remains unchanged is a part of the True Essence. What changes is a mixture of five elements as it is not one element; it is imperfect, impure, and alloyed. Wherever we find imperfection, there is change. Wow!
There is a constant change in virtue and vice, between the mind and the intellect. Therefore, I kept feeling that despite my existence I was a non-entity. One feeling particularly emerged before me in a vivid form, I felt that I was still the same as I was ten years back; that in my young age I was the same and if today I am the same, then what is form and appearance?
Today, my friends, I find a unique and unusual combination of the enjoyment of this unique journey and its glorious deeds and achievements of the advance in age. It is not a common thing to see a change in the body taking place in these moments. I am passing through a very big occurrence where the cooperation of nature ends and cooperation with the Creator begins. The cooperation between the Creator and Nature is a preparation for my existence. To experience it in the world and in every human is a great miracle. It simply wipes out the being. By and by as life divulges its secret, the depth of attachment, cold pain and the “Aha!” of the ascetic convulsion go on increasing. If I glance at myself, I hear the tune of “Wow!” and “Aha!” in unison. If I look at the inhabited people, it generates in me the feeling of love and also a time to sigh.
But this sigh shows me my limits from which I learn the lesson of patience and forbearance; while “Wow” makes me boundless and shows this life as perfect, I comprehend from it the lesson of patience.
The shock of the uncommon move of patience and contentment by bringing my moments to a halt gives me an idea of the vast field of the unknown. It is hard to digest this experience. Then the occurrence of words in my mind and reducing them to writing becomes my august duty in which the awareness of silence comes and attains a new experience.
In short, every action hides a lot. There is no limit to life. It is boundless.
If I look at my body, it is confined to limits.
If I look at life, it is limitless.
Then how can humans be happy? In case it is controlled by limits, won’t it seek its expansion? Will it not display courage and magnanimity to convert its imperfections into perfections? Science is the unlimited surrounding of these limited material objects.
Now if I look at the mind and the intellect, they are subject to limits. In this case, humans can never be pleased and contented with its feelings and longings; its personal views can’t satisfy them because the ideas are bound to be limited, when its intellect is limited. Then how can human, who is in possession of unlimited strength and unlimited joy, be happy, contented, calm, and satiated?
So long as human does not perceive and enjoy the sight of the infinite life with its infinite being, no human can be contented and well-satiated.
This unique journey of the self reveals the unfath-omable secrets of life providing peace, satiety, and perfection to existence.
Today the grand exploits of these occurrences make life motivated and thereby provide satiety and existence; from this very motivation are produced new awareness of experience. In verbal garbs, they start a new life.
These moments of today invite us to study life from a new angle of vision. There I see that:
The individual is ascetical from its very birth, for wherever one happens to be standing one is not satisfied. Therefore, they proceed in search of new means of satiating its desires. So a person is an ascetic even in its usual, natural state. What is its direction; what does it want to become—this very fact reveals the individuality in its true colours and hangs over its existence a medal of words.
Then if we are ascetical, the means and materials needed to meet our ascetical requirements will be available within our own self.
The resources of the necessary materials are available to us and we can become whatever we like—how? Here I give an account of my personal experiences of how I became what I am.
I met myself through self-study and this self-study focused my whole attention upon myself. I lost all interest in others. Occasionally, whenever I betrayed some serious negligence, I would make it a deep study; it brought to my notice both the positive and the negative aspects of my temperament. Then, this thought process remained in application in every act of my life. It brought a flood of peace in a short time.
Then, this reflectiveness never allowed me to repeat this active process, nor let me become a prisoner of any act or process. Shall life come to a stand still? This reflectiveness became a practicing formula and began to awaken my inner sensibilities and thereby, the beautiful shapes of life advanced towards me for a warm embrace.
This self-analysis also removed weakness and infirmities, abolishing all false, shallow beliefs from the intellect; it lends life a decent speed, and also stops the speed of the mind.
For example, when the clouds disappear, the sky becomes visible—in the same way the true shape of life appears then we realize the understanding of life, have a glimpse of the inner life, and realize the true essence of religion.
Today all the Vedas and Shastras become the milestones for my spiritual journey and mirrors for my existence. They, by correcting and refining me, give me true awareness of my state.
Therefore, it is essential to have a reflective eye which makes our path beautiful and fruitful. The beautiful experiences of this unique spiritual quest also brought a change in my physical, every day life. What is necessary for physical beauty—I began to have inspiration from within.
Today this journey becomes an excellent, progressive encampment—comprehending all my weal and woes. This journey acted as a vacuum and began to dust the impurities of life, making one’s existence the mirror through which to perceive life. Then with a trembling frame and through moistened eyes I perceive the whole phenomenon and feel struck with wonder. After two minutes, my restless, impatient cries choke my throat and I silently let loose the water of the shower, and raising both my arms towards heaven taste the zest of quietude.
The Body = in the state of relaxation
The Mind = in peace
The Intellect = in the state of contentment
Then
The World = a beautiful orchard
Life = a beautiful flower in bloom
And I = only an experiencer that watches everything, enjoys its taste and then takes to a leaping sortie. However, despite enjoying the tastes of all objects besieged, wraps itself with the awareness of ‘nothingness’—then shrinks itself into rich comfort, calm contentment, and creative peace.
Today this journey of life makes me realize the true shape of life. Gradually as the new shapes of life come to the view, in the same way with a lofty and righteous sense of true devotion a profound sense of dedication also takes its birth.
Today with the sense of completion, a change is occurring in my life. It beautifies not only life but also the world. Is not this inner journey true religion—the true religious creed which makes us perceive this world as one unit?
In this ascetical journey of today the intellectual angle of vision also becomes burnished and it enables us to detect another element in the uniformity of the world.
The law of nature
And
Discipline in this uniformity of the world,
Makes us conscious of a beautiful rhythm.
What is that? What is its shape and colour? When this deep and profound awareness surrounds me, my existence, passing through the strong, unusual state, becomes unbearable for me. Then an interrogative sound pokes up as a response. What?
“Is the link of this plane of life extremely deep and far below?”
Friends, today my existence, while crossing the caravan of these moments, begin to witness another happening. When I lie in a dreamy state a part of me becomes segregated from my physique as a dream, for I realize that:
The body is in the state of rest and relaxation and the dream which was in progress—suddenly stopped its pictorial flow, but a very faint stir still lingers on in my throat and tongue; the ideas that are in the state of flux in my mind and intellect impinge their contact upon life. When this novel and unusual element enters my body, that series of reflections gives proof of its existence in a pictorial form. An extremely thin link between them provides a glimpse of that part of mine.
That part relinquishes my body and my dream, the picture of that dream transforms itself into thoughts and reflections and stirs my throat. Then I find my picture converted into reflections—again, as I lapse into slumber, the motion in my throat gradually subsides and the eyes grow more and more alive and vibrant. Then those thoughts and reflections take the shape of a movie. The movement of this frame in a somnolent state and its departure from sleep provides a unique experience. Is it that part of life which blossoms into the purity of the mind and the intellect, that is, manifests itself and has its relation with our own self? It is the state of awareness and on the mental plane; this awareness is called conscious-ness.
The mind and the intellect are the fellow wayfarers of our bodies and awareness is the comrade of our self.
This is an invaluable part of our journey today. It has given me a hint that the stage is not far away.
Friends, is this realization of the self the state of true self-awareness or self-realization?
The profundity of silence,
The length or duration of tranquillity,
Introduce us to the slightest motion of existence, how ideas sprout up from the soil of the intellect. How does mind delve from the view? Why, even today, does this slightest movement not remain hidden from view?
It is because true life is linked to awareness though our consciousness of individuality is the basis of life. It asserts life and keeps us alive—allows us to pass through all vicissitudes and feel that we live. The centre of this realization is our awareness—which brings everything into relief—this whole world with trees and all living creatures, birds and beasts. The conglomeration of all these is called life.
It means that our life is related neither to the body, nor to the mind and the intellect. Then why do we take our body, mind, and intellect for our whole being? Only because of our wants and desires.
The mind and the intellect become copartners in work for the fulfilment of our desires. Then the body becomes active and our consciousness backs our desires. However, whenever we stumble our consciousness reminds us of our true reality, but we pay little heed to it.
When this consciousness links itself with our self, then the secret of life acquaints us with our true self. It means that:
Life is associated with awareness. In other words, the more self-aware a person is the closer to life they will be—that is, closer to its true quintessence.
The result?
So far I had been unconscious of myself, suddenly, I sprang up in self-awareness—“Wow!”
Self-awareness—latent in my desires and longings
Self-awareness—entangled in the dust of my desires.
The tendency to gratify all our desires keeps our self-awareness in abeyance; it does not let our life live rightly. While this unique journey, beginning with self-exploration links every part of life to existence and makes us spiritually aware.
When my existence adopted silence, my reformative steps automatically came and served as milestones for me. Whenever feelings of sympathy for anyone arose in my mind, this question simultaneously arose: Why? Wherefore? How? Where? Then all those feelings vanished. A part of my temperament was that:
Whatever I directly found in an individual, in the surrounding or environment, in the circumstances, in an accident, I expressed or stated it in the same way. It brought me occasionally repentance and regret and I had to apologise. Still, I was frequently swayed by my feelings and impulses. It was my best and most effective milestone.
Today my mode of expression has changed and a new way of self-expression has taken its place.
For, today, I depend on my understanding of life, and it readily apprehends an individual or a happening and at once takes a practical step to tackle it.
I see my own life undergoing a metamorphosis. It is found in the transformation of my attitude to life and the dedication of my tears at the time of my prayer! What should be the state of my being? What should I do? I can do nothing except exclaim, “Wow!” In a sense of wonder and triumph. My weaknesses became my milestones and my enthusiasm and devotion became my charioteers—they took me on this unique journey where life in its true shape buds forth and bestows upon existence tranquillity and contentment.
Whenever we look to others for our completion and fulfillment, we never live in happiness and in peace. I realized that contentment issues from self-realization.
Then one more habit continued to cling to me. If ever I saw some occurrence outside, I would study myself in the light of that happening. I could not help it; I enjoyed it very much. If I related my experience to the people in my surrounding, they would say, “Why! Are you off your head? We can’t handle our own affairs; why should we poke our nose in others’ affairs?” Then I would lapse into thinking and find that I, also, did my daily chores. If I wished to see this happening with reference to my own self, did it involve much more time?
In short, friends, I said these words only to myself.
Today the same habit has again cropped up and bids to me behave in the usual manner. Today, my past events recur in my mind along with my obnoxious elements, that I may see what will be my present reaction to them.
Then I came to know of my madness as well as my helplessness. I exclaimed, “God be thanked! God be thanked!” What else could I do then?
Today, in this present state of mine, if the bud of any new longing begins to sprout up, I wish to see its reaction and intentionally enter its flow. At that time, I utter, “No! No!” and beat a retreat.
Then I look upon myself with surprise and ask myself,
“Why? Shaheer, how did you pass those moments? How did those moments pass?”
The same habit watches the world and offers a prayer to the power Unknown—be merciful to all! Grant sense and understanding to all, so that all have august thoughts. For the basis of a beautiful life is august, noble thought—that august might take existence anywhere; that very place may become a temple or a mosque or the house of the Guru. Then occurs the birth of religion and begins the spiritual journey.
Five years back, I would never have imagined that I would be able to write anything, for I had never written anything. Today these words are unfolding my spiritual voyage that voyage—which is the dramatic performance for my experience.
Why? For what reason am I doing all this? If I watch my activity carefully, I realize that I am not doing it, it is happening automatically. Just as with the Sunrise, every object of the world becomes visible. Just as soon as flowers bloom their fragrance becomes diffused in the atmosphere; in the same way today, my experiences enwrap themselves in my words.
Those experiences which are zest,
Those words which taste the zest.
The indication of the understanding of life, which is most significant and suggestive, cannot hide anywhere; even if one tries to hide it, one cannot. Nothing reveals itself without a travel or a journey. This sense or prudence cannot emit fragrance without the medium of words. The experience of sense or understanding needs no words for its birth, but its aroma is to be distributed by life—whether we do so through our writing or through verbal expression. But, friends, I do not know, how they will approach you—I do not know whether they will or will not travel to you; I cannot say.
Now the question arises: “From where did these words come?”
First, I shall throw light upon myself, then on the exigencies of life. If I look at myself—that is, at Shaheer—I can do nothing except show my surprise because from the world’s point of view a matriculate carries little importance. So Shaheer can’t do it.
If we talk of Nature’s laws or the integrated form of God, the Creator, it is quite trivial because—
Every action expresses itself through a process—when the identity of the action becomes clear the process comes to an end. Now this expressed form takes the action within its fold and sends it on to the next travel ahead. In other words—
Understanding is born of experience and expresses itself by travelling through words. It may be expressed through speech or through writing, that is all.
With this stoppage, that part of life that is associated with this sense lending its awareness bids farewell from existence and after handing its taper of feelings and perceptions goes away.
It is a very beautiful and pleasant journey. Still I feel deprived of one consciousness as to what is the shape of personal element.
All the moments of today, by lending me experience of sense or understanding, are making me familiar with my true shape and complexion. If we are awareness—with consciousness of full experience, until we descend into this experience and probe into it—how can this thirst be quenched?
Friends, today this thirst of mine craves for the zest of satiety and remembers the Krishna of that moment when he said,
“O Arjun, I reside in the whole world, but the world is not within me.”
This deep realization of Lord Krishna elevated my life and infused into it the sense of devotion. Today I pled to Lord Krishan, “Come, O Krishan, and be my charioteer—today every pore of my being lies in you. If you will not, then abolish this distance. But, please, do come, for today I need you.”
Friends, today my thirst is looking for that original source, and prays to the seers and sages of the Upanishads:
The sage says, “Who is God? Only he who understands the mind.
At it, the disciple says,
“O preceptor, only I can be the knower of my mind; it is through me that the mind can be seen!”
At it, the sage remarks, “Then you are a deva (scholar), for only a deva can know a deva. Today, I call those sages that they should help me in becoming a deva.” 
This unique journey is most romantic—provides the pleasure of self-love and amorous glances. This is the journey of deep love and its appearance is very tranquil and beautiful; for even the tears of the one drenched in love have not yet dried up when she attains the satisfaction for her convulsive longings for love.
For just a moment, as usual, I lay down in my room, and during the pleasant state of two hours and in profound silence, the whole body’s energy entered my head and my head became very heavy. When my attention became stable between my two eyes, my body became bodiless. Suddenly I began to feel slow jerks of rich lights as though someone had switched on and off a light. My whole concentration became focused upon that point, which was the source of that light. Now in that extremely unique environment the matchless guest came to a stand still. There was everything but what in particular, I do not know. I only saw a milk-white illumination in all beauty and splendour—a rich, glorious illumination!
Light and the awareness of I’ness
I am the same—everything—the same. I feel them all. The whole world looked to be a rich treasure of Light. I felt I was in all, and all were in me.
I do not wish to be deprived of it. Separation from it causes thundering shrieks within me. When I return to my body—
The joy enwrapped in the sense of loneliness
The peal of laughter nursed in solemnity
The comfort nurtured in shame and remorse
All these wished to express themselves with a cry
The glimpse of these moments further accelerated my life and gave it a still more beautiful discipline. For half an hour my mind and intellect held a meeting with this experience. I repeatedly exclaimed, “Wow! Wow!”
What are we?
The experienced objects of the experiencer + the knowledge of the brooder and reflector.
Experience + Knowledge = Total awareness
The revelation of experience + The revelation of knowledge = Light
Meaning: one that has vibrations.
Meaning: Wherever there is vibration there must exist sound.
Meaning: If anywhere there is sound, vibration must exist as well.
Is it that point from which we issue and also issues our journey? Today I can say, “Yes! Yes!”
How can it be? The detail will come in my next chapter.
Today I can say that, of course, it is our true identity—our original appearance.
In the realization of this original element, I comprehended the liveliness of all life. This shape gave life a new direction and made the state of existence stunning.
Existence—which contracted in order to have a scope for expansion.
Existence—which grew stunned and paralysed in order to have more awareness.
Existence—which came within narrow bounds in order to have its range of experience wider still.
There came a beauty in the protection and care after of the body and life became a place or path of ascetical practice.
Do our imposed codes of conduct beautify our life?
Or
Does the understanding of life suggest to us good conduct and thus beautify us?
Thus, friends, I may say that our coming into calm and tranquillity is a step towards perfection. The place or the source from which this completion or perfection comes is our religion and our action.
Because:


No religion—no action is superior to human. When a human elevates themself, all religious faiths and practices enter within them.
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