I would remain lost in great amazement whenever I carefully peered at any part of the world. Besieged with this sense of nothingness, I apprehended neither myself nor this vast expansion. Lost in unawareness and burning suffocation, I turned into a sacrifice in the grip of helplessness, despair, and tormenting hopelessness.
Why?
The taper of cognition had not yet become amenable to illumination owing to the absence of the deep feelings of the state of pain which would arrest my breaths and impair my existence.
The caravans of recollections grew eager to hear their own footfalls, as well as the footfalls of this existence which are passing through the moments of today. For in the track of its every path there zooms the journey from the root to the consciousness; in its every breath sways the intoxication from matter to the consciousness divine. In its life breaths flow—the juice of words as well as of the peace of silence.
In the vast expansion of the world I failed to see any trace of my own existence. This world offered a very rare and strange spectacle, the beauty and ugliness of which exercised a most delicate and harsh influence on my mind. I do not think I ever thought of myself in this way, the individual appearance of all remained the central point of my observation.
What was I looking for? Whom was I searching for? The idea of my own identity never crossed the threshold of existence.
Gradually, as I advanced in age, my own identity began to make me perceive my convulsing gratification, wailing tranquillity, and sobbing freedom. Suddenly something transpired, I realized that from beyond some feeling or perception was waking my sense of existence with the twist of some emotion suppressed within me. What it was, there was no way to apprehend it. When the consciousness, lurking in the frown on my forehead, received the quiver of some sound through the cavities of my ears, then—
To every human’s personality,
I felt incapable of conveying
The shape of every happening,
The awareness of every environment,
And the feelings and expressions on every countenance.
For I was young and was deficient in words and expressions to stem the tide of the flow of this awareness; my childish activity performed its main role quite adequately.
For some, their families were most important,
For some, wealth and riches.
For some, tranquillity was the main thing,
For some, happiness and comfort.
In my opinion, every individual should be mine—this thought was upper most. There was pain at the root of this feeling or sentiment; then flowers and fruit were to be of woe and misery only. The incompletion of this sentiment went on linking me to me wherever I found the flow of Love; the shape of the manifestation of life displayed an uncommon beauty. And when I became stuck up in the bog of despair, the realization of the ephemeral character of the world pricked me acutely.
But in the sound coming from the other side there was very deep satisfaction which taught my breaths to flow in unique contentment—which proceeded by stringing together the longing of the footsteps and a stir on my lips in harmonious tune. In short, in the first step of my journey of life that began with the label of ‘Shaheer’ beamed the consciousness of all lying within my fold. In addition, in every moment of life, the echo of my sighs impinges upon the string of existence and in the motion of my breaths, it indulges in the paeans of rapturous delight.
“Aha!”
The echo of this ‘Aha’ becomes a holy recitation.
The tune and rhythm of ‘bravo’ becomes an ascetic act.
I am helpless about turning the formula of prayer and penance to myself, as they do not exist because of me; rather, I exist because of them. For this very purpose, every tune and rhythm of life moves about in search of tonal harmony to set my self on a travel.
The harmonious character of this vast existence takes every object within its fold of uniformity and unites uniformity with the Shape-determiner. The peeping of the sun into the calm moments of dawn, the chirping of the birds, the appearance of the trees in peaceful colors and above the motion of breaths (the act of respiration), the muteness of existence—the homogeneity of all these processes and then, merges them into the unknown feelings and perceptions—
Making the bodily into the bodiless,
Turning color into colorlessness,
Turning shape into shapelessness,
This well-satisfying state of rich tranquillity—the manifestation of unparalleled peace and comfort—puts my existence into alienation where life dances on the theatrical stage of fearlessness, freedom, and perfection; there silence and speech stand in one experience and present every enjoyable object of the world into a novel and unique shape and provide life relief from some debt or indebtedness.
Now I began to apprehend the whole spread out manifestation without the word ‘world’.
What should I say as to what all this is?
Whatever I realize without words
Has a beauty that is most valuable.
Words only put into disintegration the beauty of the uniformity. In the manifestation of this integration we are greeted by the sight of Omkar.
If we survey our surrounding the experience we obtain is one and the same for all. If we look at any material object through the window of the words, the manifestation of any shape and color makes all into different shapes and colors. These objects are different from one another in colors and shapes and physiques, yet in liveliness, in vital breaths, and in energy they are not different. Just as the window lends limits to the sky, in the same way words delimit the integrity of the world.
Passing through these present moments the lively state of our vital breaths perceive the flow of every state and direction proceeding towards the same point. The twist and convulsion of this same flow awakens the life-breaths and dyeing them in on ochre color makes us wear the cloak of a solitary recluse. Just as a thirsty person craves for water, our life-breaths crave for their root and existence. It seems as though someone has lost his way in a dark thick, wilderness and forgotten even his name and address. Then in this unbearable state, convulsing with intense anguish, this pain of today’s awakening causes us intense distress. It is as though surrounded by a stormy whirlwind, one was to fall prey to some dreadful accident.
Again, the convulsive pain of life-breaths involving us in indescribable plight, takes the shape of tears and weighs itself in the balance of prayer. Then, in its unbearable state, in its helplessness and despair, and in its incapacity, the bare-picture of limits stings us and amidst this backbreaking strain rides the boat of silence.
We came to know of it when the cool puff of peace finds its satisfaction in the long-drawn breaths and gives the taste of comfort to the depth of breaths. Then the jolts of sobbing life-breaths gradually come to a standstill and begin to sing paeans in the glorification of peace and fortitude.
Oh! Then I realized that:
Life proceeding in peace,
Life going on in satiety,
Life fragrant with laughter,
Then:
Life reverberates the shout of “bravo!”
Bravo!
Blossom in life—breaths—Aha! Aha!
This “Aha!” becomes the message of
Freedom and makes us realize that:
It has got rid of this slavery to fear, worry, envy, and despair, and the slavery to bounds and limits. In this unparalleled beauty the emergence of indescribable feelings and perceptions,
The convulse of laughter,
The somberness underlying happiness,
The search for peace,
The thirst for satiety,
Keeping in an always live state, proceeds to the unknown destination with faltering steps. In the journey of this extraordinary journey—
The waxing and warning of passions,
The ebb and flow of feelings and emotions,
The occurring and disappearing of thoughts and reflections
Convey the same message.
What causes satiety is—religion;
What causes discontent is—irreligion.
What grants peace is—our true ‘self’.
What spoils our peace is—our fake ‘self’.
What grants us joy is—Unknown Energy.
What causes pain and discomfort is—ego
For I realized that:
When the manifestation of the world
Is deeper and more profound
Then we are mere bodies
When we are entangled in feelings and passions,
We are only ‘the mind’.
When reflectiveness appears, we are the intellect.
When some awareness comes from afar—we are actually divine.
When the tune of elation echoes our moments, aha!
We are chit (chit means our inner self).
When the state of “Bravo! Bravo!” dawns upon us,
We are truly worshippers.